Couples that have been married for a few months can relate to the struggles that come along with ‘I do’. Of course, there is that honeymoon phase… but it can easily be short lived or even non-existent. Marriage is seen as such a difficult task that many couples have been together for years and chose to never get married. Why are marriages today portrayed in such a negative light?
- The divorce rates are extremely high and continue to be on the rise.
- The adoption of the no-fault laws in the late 1960’s. This allows divorce to happen for any reason.
- Gender equality movement: Although a positive movement, the marriage roles are severely affected by this.
- Attitude towards sex- most people do not feel the need to wait for marriage for sex which decreases the desire for marriages.
- Alternative lifestyles (living together, living alone or staying single)- some people are perfectly content with the idea of never getting married.
Marriage is all about give and take. I have heard the saying a million times “You gotta keep it 50/50”. I wholeheartedly disagree. It has to be 100/100 from both people with the expectation for nothing in return. People who go into marriages with the mindset of what they can get out of it become very unhappy, fast.
This blog is going to be about real life experiences, blessings, and issues found in marriages. My hope is to let other people know they are not alone in their struggles and that marriages can be worth all the effort!
Much love,
M
November 29, 2015 at 6:53 am
I think you are doing a great job taking up this issue. Check out some of my stories( The purpose, the Dacoit Queen, The Irony, The Childbride) and poems on women . It is wonderful to have someone think out these issues as logically as you. Great job!
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November 29, 2015 at 3:59 pm
Thank you so much for stopping by! I’m so glad we believe the same thing! I definitely will check those out!
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November 29, 2015 at 1:38 pm
You are so right. I would add that a couple needs to include spirituality in their marriage. There will be times when things are so hard, you don’t know what to do. Who do you cling to during those times?
My mother died 2 months after we got married. (My dad had died of a heart attack 3 years earlier, so my big brother walked me down the aisle when we got married.) Mom was only 56 and my siblings and I were in shock. A year later, my youngest brother was killed in car accident just before Christmas.
Our first year of marriage, we had so many things happen. Besides Mom’s death, there was a huge snowstorm that basically closed down the mid-western city where we lived. Then that May, a huge tornado demolished a great portion of our city, including the neighborhoods surrounding ours. We were blessed that nothing happened to our apartment complex. It was strange to see destruction all around us, yet we were safe and sound. We moved that summer. I told me husband, “If we can make it through this first year, the next 49 should be a breeze!”
Humor in your marriage is also very important. If people take themselves too seriously, it is easy to become self-absorbed and only see your point of view. It is better to laugh at some things than to obsess about them. Humor can get a couple through some hard times.
If a couple is able to help each other grow, the marriage will be stronger. My husband helped me get through nursing school by supporting me when things were tough. He quizzed me before tests and always listened to my concerns, even when he didn’t understand. I listened to him talk about his work even though I was clueless about what he was talking about most of the time. But just listening was important to both of us. We acted as “sounding boards” for each other. Even if I would rather be doing something else than listening, it helped our relationship to do so.
We have been married 41 years now and are very much in love. In fact, we are closer than we were 40 years ago. We have had many ups and downs, but have persevered. It has been worth it.
Best wishes on your marriage and your blog.
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November 29, 2015 at 4:04 pm
Thanks so much for sharing! Do you mind if I add this to my section “Real Life Stories”? I think spirituality is very important! As I mentioned in my “About”, I don’t think I would still be married if it wasn’t for God! Humor is also a very good one! Sometimes that laugh until you cry is all that is needed in the day! I hope you continue to stop by and add your input! It is very valuable to me! 😊
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November 29, 2015 at 9:22 pm
I am fine with that–real life stories. Got more if you want to hear them!
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November 29, 2015 at 11:35 pm
Yes! Please!! I would love more! I am going to post it and you can comment on there! After that I will edit it & add it to there 😊
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November 29, 2015 at 8:18 pm
Hey!! Thanks for liking my blog post! FOLLOW/Come back soon as I will yours! Light and Love, Shona
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November 29, 2015 at 11:33 pm
Yes most definitely!
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November 30, 2015 at 8:05 am
“You gotta keep it 50/50”. I wholeheartedly disagree. It has to be 100/100 from both people with the expectation for nothing in return.
A very good point….I don’t really think that many people get that. I think in hindsight that it is fundamental. But it is very difficult to give 100% if the other person is not reciprocating.
I said in one of my songs…”what is yours and what is mine, I tried to walk the fine line, between losing myself and winning your acceptance.”
If you give too much of yourself you lose yourself….not enough and you don’t gain acceptance or join together fully. It is a tension within relationships of all sorts that we struggle with all our lives.
I suspect that I fall far short of your 100/100.
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November 30, 2015 at 1:31 pm
I like that verse in one of your songs! I definitely fall short of my 100/100 often! I just think that should be the goal instead of 50/50! Marriage is way more difficult when it is not reciprocated I agree with you! It’s a crazy fine line that we walk and that’s why marriages can bring on more hurt than good if we don’t be careful! Thanks so much for sharing! I love your insight!
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November 30, 2015 at 1:36 pm
Thanks..its a great goal. And has given me food for thought.
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November 30, 2015 at 8:35 am
Marriage is sacrifice ,its not about sex ,children ,honeymoon ,its about surrender ,acceptance, forgiveness but its very rare these days ,gender equality is very misinterpreted thing ,do one expect males to bear children and go into labour pain ,its natural for females but they are denying it ,many more such things ,your post can be discussed for ages ,still keep trying to make this institution more pious
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November 30, 2015 at 1:35 pm
Thanks for your comment! Yes marriage is all about surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness! Especially forgiveness! Those are all qualities that are so difficult for many people! It takes great sacrifice to forgive someone who keeps hurting you! I guess we didn’t know that’s what we signed up for! Gender equality is different for everyone you are right! I think that we can be “equal” in marriage with defined roles to play!
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November 30, 2015 at 2:42 pm
Most welcome , I always advocated that let a female does her job of managing home ,its a huge task in itself , if she earns besides that ,it will stress her hormones that leads to discords ,otherwise if male is doing household jobs then let her earn , but I guess no one should be overburdened , and no one should oblige other let it be husband or wife , its their life ,their world together .
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December 2, 2015 at 12:49 pm
Dear… May I share this to my Facebook account?
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December 2, 2015 at 1:00 pm
Yes, definitely! Thanks so much for asking and stopping by!
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December 4, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Since sex has gotten easier and easier to get love has gotten harder to find. I myself think often being single would be less hurtful. I love my husband but I don’t understand him cheating online and cheating on me in the flesh on me with a early 60s late 70s. I took him but let him ness up on me again. He knows what my family fold him.
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December 5, 2015 at 4:28 pm
I agree with you sex is easier to find and love is harder to find! Especially when people get the two mixed up! I don’t understand why your husband would do that either. I do have to say that it’s not your fault though. I know it’s easy to blame yourself but you shouldn’t. The problem lies within him! How long have yall been married?
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